You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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