your parents love me but you hate me
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You ate ashes out of my bong
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
