**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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