1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
