Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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