Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
