when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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