i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize