ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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