Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
