I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Randomize
