You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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