you turned your livingroom into a bong?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
