You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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