you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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