mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
