Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
