remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
