i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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