All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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