You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
