If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
