Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
how drunk are you?
Several
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
