I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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