I didn't shave. On purpose
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
