do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize