That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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