when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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