i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
