New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
