when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Michael Bay diarrhea
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
