I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
