I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
