yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
