Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
