Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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