smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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