clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
