I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
