I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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