I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
COCAINE IS GR8
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
