So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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