my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
