I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
