There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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