Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
