you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
