I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
