Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
