I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
