Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
