The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you inspire me to be a worse person
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
