she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
