he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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