At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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