Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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