so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
