yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
