youre lurking in front of me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
