Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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