I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
