dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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