I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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