cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So vagazzling was a success
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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