I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
false alarm, still single
Randomize
