Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
